In a recent philosophical discussion in our cozy galley kitchen, Alex posed a question to me. He asked me "How many people do you think are truly happy with their life?" This question was prompted by seeing a man earlier that morning in a car stopped next to us at a red light. He looked anxious, tired, and defeated. The pain and distress of life seemed to be weighing heavily upon his head. The optimist in me replied with something along the lines of most people are probably happy with their lives, but we must have seen that man after a rough day in the office or after a fight with a loved one. Upon further thought and a few more days to contemplate this question, I have changed my answer. I would now argue that a lot (for the naysayer's sake I will refrain from saying "most ") of people are unhappy.
To explore this question, I am going to take you back to 2013 to walk in my shoes as a junior in high school. At the time I would have said I was extremely happy, but in reality my highs were really high, but any lows would often overshadow my overall happiness leading me to feel a lot of discontentment throughout high school.
At that point in my life, my god was volleyball, despite being a professing Christian. Everything in my life was done to serve that master. Grades, time, weekends, Sundays – all were done for the sake of attaining a dream to be a part of a record setting volleyball team during high school. In 2013, my Varsity volleyball team achieved that dream with me by winning the first ever Regional championship for our school in any sport. To say I was proud of both myself and my team was an understatement. I basked in that glory and title for far longer than I care to admit.
Had I ever thought about who or what had helped me get to that short-lived “high”? Absolutely not. Had I ever stopped to adequately thank my selfless mother for the HOURS of driving she did a day to get me to every Varsity and club practice? No. Had I ever stopped to appreciate both my mom and my dad for sacrificing every last penny to send me to an excellent, private school with great opportunities for sports and academics? No. Did I ever thank my coaches for the countless hours they spent with me in the gym training me physically and mentally? No. There are so many more questions I could use to tee up this point, but I was a thankless person at the time. Any thank you I might have said was out of habit from the training of a diligent, Southern mama growing up, but was I truly thankful for those sacrifices or people? Sadly, not really. The words of Paul in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “give thanks in all circumstances,” were so unnatural to me for many years.
Fast forward to 2017, when my now-husband Alex first took me to meet his family in Upstate New York. On the first evening there, we had what his family calls a “Country Boy” – waffles, fresh berries from his mother’s garden, peanut butter, and, in true New York fashion, real maple syrup. It was delicious, and be honest, who doesn’t love eating breakfast for dinner???? After we had finished eating, Beth (Alex’s mom) said it was time for “thankful things.” Seeing as this was my first time, the Knechts were quick to fill me in on what this was. Thankful things was (and is) a nightly tradition in the Knecht household. At the end of each meal, each person (family AND guest) says what they are thankful for from that day. My initial thought was “wait I thought this was something you only did on Thanksgiving, but okay, I can do this.” Beth went first. “I am thankful for the leak we discovered today in our roof.” I think I might have chuckled when she first spoke, thinking she was being a crackup, but I immediately stifled the laugh when I saw everyone else at the table listening completely seriously to her thankful things. “She’s thankful for a leak in the roof? Who are these people?” I thought. As Beth went on, she shared that she was thankful for this leak in the roof as it would be an opportunity for her to see firsthand how the Lord would provide the money and/or people to fix it. My eyes flooded with tears as she spoke and as they are even now while I write and recall this memory. God was using the dear Knecht family to humble me. Over the course of that first stay with them, thankful things became something I looked forward to each night. I could not wait to share with everyone what I was thankful for and how I had seen God’s provision in the mundane that day. This spirit of gratitude was something I knew God was telling me I needed to cultivate. After many years of meaningless “thank you’s,” I finally understood that to cultivate a thankful spirit, the “why” matters. Why are you thankful?
When Alex and I got married, we decided that we would carry on the legacy of Beth and Glen through our own adaptation of thankful things. Thankful walks were thus born in our Knecht household. Every evening when we walk our dog, Anya, for her final potty of the day, we do our thankful walk. We walk together and reflect on where we have seen God’s handiwork from that day and why we are thankful for it. Our thankful walks started out with being thankful for anything that was good from that day, but overtime our gratitude has matured to include the hardships that life inevitably throws our way.
I think this translates to our prayers to God, too. An empty “thank you for my prosperity in life” is not how he tells us to pray. “Give thanks in ALL circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). I was guilty of thanking God only in my successes and victories for so long. It is still something I struggle with today, but through the consistency of thankful walks I have been able to cultivate a spirit of gratitude in most things (though the Lord is shaping me everyday to turn that “most” into an “all”). My life has become a happier and more content (albeit not easier or less sorrowful) one because of this. I see God’s hand everywhere because I am training my eye to see it.
Now you might start to wonder how we got to gratitude and thankfulness when I started out with trying to determine if most people were happy. How do gratitude and happiness relate? I think they walk hand in hand with one another. A spirit of gratitude leads to a seemingly inexplicable contentment and an overall happiness with the life one has been given. So to answer the question Alex posed at the beginning of “How many people do you think are truly happy with their life?,” I would have to reply “it is not an easily quantifiable number, but those who practice and cultivate a spirit of gratitude and humility in ALL circumstances will be able to say they are happy and content with the life that has been given to them.”
“Oh give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!” (1 Chronicles 16:8)